Q: How can you use a lighthouse, rose trellis, windstorm, dune,
and Halloween costume to create something tasty?
Make a beacon, lattice, and tornado sand witch.
Q: Why didn't the Invisible Man get invited to the Halloween party?
A: They knew he wouldn't show up.
Q: Why don't witches have babies?
A: Their husbands have hollow weenies
Q: Why did the vampire get fired from the blood bank?
A: He was caught drinking on the job!
Q: Why do ghosts have so much trouble dating?
A: Women can see right through them!
Q: What do ghosts drive?
Q: Where do skeletons go to swim?
A: The Dead Sea!
Q: What do you get when you cross a werewolf with a drip-dry suit?
A: A wash-and-werewolf!
Q: What did the boy monster do when the girl monster rolled her eyes at him?
A: He picked them
up and rolled them back to her!
Q: Why didn't the skeleton like disco?
A: Because he didn't have any soul!
Q: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Q: What do baby monsters call their parents?
A: Mummy and Deadie!
Q: Daddy, why do all the other kids call me werewolf?
A: Be quiet son, just go and comb your face!
Q: What did the witch say to her brand new little broom?
A: Go to SWEEP, little baby!
Q: Who did the zombie invite to his Halloween party?
A: Anyone he could dig up!
Q: What do you call a fairy that won't take a bath?
Q: Why are gyspies noisy lovers?
A: They have crystal balls
Q: Why should you never iron a four leaf clover?
A: Don't press your luck.
Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot and a centipede?
A: A walkie talkie!
Q: What is Frankenstein's favorite waterway?
A: The Eerie Canal.
Q: What is a ghosts favorite ride at the midway?
A: A roller ghoster!!
Q: Why does the Mummy keep his Band-aids in the
A: He wants to use them later
for cold cuts!!
Q: What is Dracula's favorite coffee?
Q: What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
Q: How does a werewolf like his eggs for breakfast?
Q: What is a Mummies' favorite type of music?
Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A: He had no body to dance with.
Q: What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Q: What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
Q: What do little ghosts drink?
A: Evaporated milk.
Q: Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
A: Because people are dying to get in.
When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.
Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
"How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?"
Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
A: Ghost toasties with booberries.
What's soft, moldy and flies?
A: A spoiled bat.
Q: What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran
down his back?
A: "You're under a vest!"
Q: What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
He had to give it back.
Q: Why did the monster salute his vegetable soup?
A: He looked in his bowl and saw a
kernel of corn.
Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A: A dead ringer.
What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
A: I'd like to get to gnaw you.
Q: Which story
do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
A: "Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."
Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?
A: So they can fight knights.
Q: Where does Dracula
keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.
Q: How does a witch tell time?
A: She looks at her witch watch.
Where can you see a real ugly monster?
A: In the mirror.
Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
you're a mouse
Q: Why did the monster eat the caboose?
A: The locomotive told him to "Choo, choo."
What's the best place for a mirror?
A: In a graveyard. It can double your mummy.
Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A: A holy terror.
Q: What goes "Oob, oob!"
A witch in reverse.
Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"
Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.
Q: Why do demons hang out with ghouls?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
Q: Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
A: It was his bat.
Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Put your boos and shocks on.
Mother vampire to son:
Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it clots.
Mommy, Mommy, the kids all call me a werewolf.
Never mind, dear, now go and comb your face.
Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other?
A: See you next month!
Q: What is a monster's favorite lunch meat?
Q: How can you enter a haunted house?
A: With a skeleton key.
Q: How can you fatten up a ghost?
A: With ghoulash and spooketti.
Q: What is a ghost's favorite ride?
A: A roller ghoster.
Q: How can a witch tell the time?
By using a witch watch.
Q: What is bigger than a monster but lighter than a bird?
A: A monster's shadow.
What would you get if you crossed a ghost with a black bird?
A: A scare-crow.
Q: Where do ghosts take their
A: To a dry-screamers.
Q: What did the phantom on guard duty outside the haunted castle say when
he heard a noise?
A: 'Halt! Who ghosts there?'
Q: Why was the shy ghost frightened of going to the opticians'
A: Because he thought he might make a spooktacle of himself.
Q: What music do ghosts like?
Q: How did the two ghosts fall in love?
A: It was love at first fright.
Q: On what day
do ghosts play tricks on each other?
A: April Ghoul's Day.
Q: Where can you catch a ghost train?
A: At a
Q: Why did the female ghoul like demons?
A: Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
What do you call a female ghost who serves drinks and food on a 'plane?
A: An air ghostess.
Q: What kind of coffee does Count Dracula drink?
Q: Why couldn't the witch
A: Because her husband had a holloweeny.
Q: WHY DID THE SKELETON BURP?
A: BECAUSE HE HAD NO GUTS TO FART.
Q: What do you call an ugly old woman who sits on the beach casting spells?
A: A sand witch.
What did the witch do when her broom broke down?
A: She witch-hiked.
Q: How can you easily make a witch itch?
Remove the 'w'.
Q: What do you call a witch's husband when he's travelling on her broomstick?
A: A flying sorcerer.
What do young witches like best in school?
A: Spelling lessons.
Q: What do you get if a witch gets flu?
Q: What is a werewolf's favorite type of story?
A: A hairy tale!
Q: Did you hear about
the hippie werewolf?
A: He was fur out, man!
Q: What do you call two witches who live together?
Did you hear about the obnoxious pumpkin?
A: He was a real jerk-o'-lantern!
Q: What does an Australian witch
A: A broomerang!
Q: What would you get if you crossed a witch with a famous director?
Q: Where do spooks go to mail a letter?
A: The ghost office.
Q: What did the vampire say
to the Invisible Man?
A: "Long time, no see!"
Q: When is it bad luck to have a black cat follow you?
you're a mouse!
Q: What happened when the little witch misbehaved?
A: She was sent to her broom.
What do you say to a depressed vampire?
A: "Fang in thre!"
Q: How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A: Try tickling
his funny bone!
Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Christmas?
A: A ghoul Yule!
What is Dracula's favorite line for meeting girls?
A: "Hey, gorgeous. What's your blood type?"
Q: How come vampires
never seem to have any trouble?
A: Because they're a pain in the neck!
Q: How did the ghost look in her designer
Q: What did the angry skeleton say to the other skeleton?
A: "I have a bone to pick
Q: What do little sppoks call their parents?
A: Mummy & Deady.
Q: Why was Frankenstein
acting so strangely?
A: His head wasn't screwed on right.
Q: Where do little monsters play at recess?
In the ghoulyard!
Q: What did the Pilgrim vampire celebrate?
Q: What would you get
if you crossed Halloween with Independence day?
A: The Fourth of Ghoul-ly!
Q: Why were the trick-or-treaters
wearing grass skirts?
A: Because it was Hulaween!
Q: What was the witches favorite subject in school?
Q: Why did the mummy
call the doctor?
A: Because he was coffin
Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay
Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A: At a blood bank
Q: What did the mad scientist eat
A: Frankenfurters with Ketchup
Q: Where do mummies go for a swim?
A: To the
Q: What is Transylvania?
A: Dracula's terror-tory
Q: Where does dracula water
A: On Lake Erie
Q: What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?
A: A blood vessel
What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by it's circumference?
A: Pumpkin Pi
Q: What is a ghosts favourite kind of cereal?
A: Scream of wheat!
Q: What name does a spider and a dictionary have in common?